Dutch Wedding Traditions

Some Dutch wedding traditions that originated in the Netherlands have faded into obscurity -- with time and changing mores -- while others, such as the bridal shower, have spread far and wide and are still alive today.

Traditionally, courtship and betrothal customs Dutch wedding varied depending on the origin of the couple. People in the north of Holland allowed their daughters a lot more freedom, and gave the girl and her suitor a bit of privacy during the courtship. Single girls and widows gained respect from having a 'queester,' a 'night visitor' who would spend a few hours with the girl -- and sometimes would even stay at the parents' home for an entire night.

In the south of Holland, however, parents tended to be strict with their daughters, and potential suitors had to be more resourceful. They would bribe servants into allowing them to see their beloved, or leave flowers on a girl's doorstep to show their interest.

In Dutch wedding, once a man finally managed to meet his dream girl face-to-face, protocol called for certain responses from her. For instance, a girl who was not interested would stand by the fireplace and grab the poker -- clearly showing her suitor that he was not welcome. If girl was interested, she was expected to smooth her hair and dress, and arrange her bonnet to make herself look pretty.

Once accepted in the family, a suitor was allowed to visit his beloved on Wednesdays and Sundays, to take her out to religious celebrations and festivals. Once a couple was officially betrothed -- or engaged -- the custom called for their families to invite relatives and friends over for a formal dinner. There, a contract was signed in the presence of a notary.

The bride Dutch wedding would usually receive a trousseau from her parents, while her future father-in-law would traditionally give her a 'chatelaine.' A chatelaine was a chain or rope, usually made of silver or leather, equipped with various articles that would prove useful to the bride-to-be, such as pair of scissors, a pincushion and a needle case, a small knife, and a mirror. This chatelaine identified the girl as a young lady who was about to be married. The girl's future husband often gave her a written declaration of love, such as a poem.

Once officially engaged, the couple set their Dutch wedding day and selected bridesmaids (playmates,) as well as 'speeljonkers' (play-youths) and "spellmeisjes" (play-girls.) This group was in charge of decorations and entertainment, and would assume general servant duties to the groom and the bride -- who also had an official servant specifically assigned to her for the duration of the wedding preparations.

Traditionally, the young couple wrote their Dutch wedding announcement themselves, but in order to publish the banns, they needed parental consent; this consent was also required in order for the marriage to be considered legal.

Between the betrothal and the wedding day, the homes of both the bride and groom were suitably decorated, and 'banns dinners' were organized for the couple. The courtesy was later returned after the wedding, when the newlyweds would host post-nuptial dinners for friends and family.

The Dutch wedding tradition of bridal showers originated in Holland. Legend has it that a Dutch girl wished to marry a poor miller's son, but her father disapproved of the union, and refused to provide a dowry. The girl's friends took it upon themselves to get her everything required to start her new home.

This custom became popular in Holland, and whenever a father disapproved of his daughter's choice of suitor, the girl’s friends would make sure that she could get married without her father's help. Each friend helping a bride prepare for her Dutch wedding would bring a small gift, and in the 1800's, the trend was to place the gifts inside a small parasol, and later open it over the girl's head -- letting this ‘shower ‘of gifts fall upon the bride.

The days before a wedding would be filled with dinner-parties. The couple would spend their time organizing the wedding banquet and planning their Dutch wedding attire, and guests would visit the bride's home.

The day before the wedding, the door of the bride’s house would be painted green, and flowers would be scattered along the bride and groom's path as they made their way to the Dutch wedding ceremony venue.